Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Awesomely Awful (and my love life)

Since I moved a little over 2 years ago, I have to admit that I haven't really dated. I dipped my toe in the water only to find the water was freezing and full of weeds. I hate weeds. I got caught in them when I was swimming across a lake when I was a kid and even though I had a tube or some other flotation device, having your leg caught by a gross weed is fucking terrifying.

Where was I? Oh yes, dating. Some of my friends love dating, even if they have horrible dates, they still go out, time and again. Me, I'm not so keen on a bad date, I'd rather just skip it. That and living in a big pond has made it harder to meet cool people. I might get ronery every once in awhile, and I know that I should be thinking about finding a mate (says my mom), but I'm cool with being single. As the CREEEEPY Rogers guy who fixed my cable yesterday said as he sat beside me on my couch and looked around my apartment "it must be nice living alone, you can do whatever you want and nobody will bug you". Yes creepy Rogers man, it is nice. I might get a dog or cat to cuddle with at night though.

Anyway, I really got sidetracked there. What I wanted to tell you about was this guy, his name is Awesome. Really. He is another reason why I hide in my basement apartment. The ONE AND ONLY time I drunkenly gave a guy my number, this is what happened. 3 voice mails later. Before I got the chance to give him a call back I had 3 voice messages from him. For other women out there who've felt nervous about a random guy, I'm sure you'll see how his extreme enthusiasm was a little unsettling. Although he did seem like a nice bloke, it was unnerving to see this behaviour escalate to the level of stalker mentality - it's scary out there, especially since I was only 22 at the time! Enjoy my friends, hopefully you'll like it as much as my dad did. He is Awesome's biggest fan. Fact.

UPDATE: I've actually decided to take the voicemail down because someone via reddit is pretending to be AWESOME (not Asim, trust me people, that's how he spelled it) and create a sob story. Unfortunately (and fortunately for me) he got some important details wrong and I was able to pretty quickly assess that it was some asshole trying to get attention by making up a story.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

So you give a guy your number, then when he calls a few times to say he's interested you proceed to ridicule him and post his polite messages on the internet. You're a horrible person. Fact.

lex [lexinthecity] said...

Awesome, is that you? Just kidding.
But when a guy calls you multiple times, leaving 3 messages before you can call him back, warning signs should be going off. I wasn't looking to 1. get married on my second date or 2. be kidnapped and locked away for the rest of my life because some nut wants me all to himself.
Just sayin. :)

Teenie said...

my all time fav story!!!

Anonymous said...

Shame on you, Alexandra. This is the behaviour of a child.

Anonymous said...

Those were some pretty funny messages alex!

Johnny Utah said...

That's tough. It reminds me of the guy from the movie Swingers! I"m assuming all the negative comments are coming from dudes. I'm with them. That's just so tough.

lex [lexinthecity] said...

Although he did seem like he could have been a nice guy, his messages were unnerving for a young girl and seemed to be approaching stalker mentality. I probably would have responded if it was just the one message. Fellas, if a girl called you many times, leaving 3 friendly but escalating desperate voicemails... you'd be silly to stick around long enough for the crazy to come out.

Johnny Utah said...

I think it's the posting thing, not the not wanting him thing. But oh well... Losers get embarrassing stuff posted about them online.

Peter said...

AAAHAHAHA. ooookay. First of all, if you're going to get your panties all wadded in your man-gina because of a BLOG you should 1) get a fucking life, like real sooon. join a a softball team or something. and 2) let your nuts drop and stop commenting anonymously. It's realllly easy to pick on some blogger who's got their ass hanging in the wind when you can hide behind the internet.

You're probably butthurt because this happened to you a bunch of times right? Know why it happened? Cause you're a whiny little weasel and you wreak of desperation. How do I know this? Because I've been single, in college and left my own desperate "spin the wheel" voicemails like that before (mostly when intoxicated and never a hat trick!). But deep down I didn't expect a call back! duh. I was being lame!

Voicemail tsunamis are only cute in romantic comedies from attractive awkward heroes you know will eventually stop being psychotic. In real life, people are psychotic. A lot.

Nope not done yet.

Peter said...

If you leave three consecutive uber long creepy voicemails on a girl's phone you deserve to get blasted on the internet. Also IF YOU CALL YOURSELF AWESOME AS A NOUN. Anyone who can utter the words "Hey this is Awesome calling" seriously, without giggling and going "just kidding, it's Henry" deserves to get taken down a notch. "Awesome" is a ridiculous name even for the guy on Chuck, and he's a Doctor with 8pack abs. Sting even thinks that's a stupid name and his name is a present tense singular verb.

That guy isn't some poor hapless dork who happened to leave too many voicemails. He's the mayor of douche town. If he called himself by a real name like Louis, then Lex would be a dick. But not for this one.

I will say one thing though. You kinda deserve it for giving your number to a dude who introduced himself as Awesome. A little schnit-faced were we? Even then, you should have given him the number for Windows7 technical support, poured a beer on his head and shouted "MULLIGAN, wanna try again with a real name?"

Anonymous said...

Sweetheart, all I'll say is this: Treat others the way you want to be treated. If the situation were reversed, you would be humiliated. He sounds like a sincere, slightly over-eager guy and what you're doing is kind of cruel. Sharing the story and corresponding voicemails among close friends and family is one thing. Sharing it on the internet for the world to hear? That's something else entirely. My suggestion? Transcribe the messages and delete the clip. Just imagine if this happened to your best friend - what would you want the blogger to do?

Anonymous said...

Bait and switch! booo!

Anonymous said...

Your rudeness is famous!
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/e9q4g/should_i_confront_a_girl_who_is_publicly/