Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I'm worried about my brain and its regression

Ok, so I'm no English major and I've never written a book, but I do happen to love the English language (read: nerd) and learned to obsess over spelling and grammar at the age of 10. I was in french immersion and so our school had a pretty intensive English class to make sure we didn't fall behind. It was one of the only classes I liked, as from grade 2 I had a WITCH for a teacher, Mme. Hag* and in grade 5 Mme. Crabbyapple* wasn't much nicer. Mme. Hag had flaming red hair and I'm pretty sure she was an alien, like Will Smith's teacher on Men in Black. She was certifiably nuts. I was scared shitless. She flew off on her broom halfway through the semester, no joke, so the wee children were safe from her gingerbread house. Mme. Crabbyapple, she was just mean. She thought I was dumb, and possibly being abused at home or something (I found this out later). Needless to say my parents didn't like her. I just shook every time she looked at me with those mean eyes, I couldn't help but stutter and clam up. So when English class came around I dove into it with fervor. Here's where my story actually starts to come back around - when I tested at grade 12 spelling in grade 5, I told EVERYBODY. Not just that day, that week, that year, but I'm pretty sure I told someone last week. One of my best friends used me as her dictionary. I loved it. I embrace the nerd in me. Now, I would never enter a spelling bee or anything because that shit is just crazy.

So, why complain? Because the other day I spelled "flies" in a bbm message "flys". FLYS PEOPLE, FLYS. WTF?!? Who am I? What have I become? I cringe. I also have spelled "you're" instead of "your", not the other way around. Most people wouldn't care, but I do.
A lot. Side note: thank god I can still spell "a lot" correctly. Kill me if I ever spell it as one word. And not some quick death, a slow and painful death filled with horrible grammar. And the word flys. What is happening to my brain? I've accepted the brain farts and always losing my train of thought, but now this? I'm regressing. Oy vey.

How do I prevent this embarrassing regression from furthering damage on my brain/dignity? Sad face. Any advice would be appreciated. I do the crossword (it's no New York Times,  but it'll do) and it's clearly not helping. And if it is helping, then oh god, I'm only 25 and it's all downhill from here. First.. little meaningless spelling mistakes, then I start having trouble stringing sentences together, and then I can only communicate via chest pounding and "Me Tarzan, You Jane". I won't make it in the jungle!!! I won't survive!

So remember: if I ever spell "a lot" the other way - I can't even purposely spell it the wrong way for fear of using it in the future - SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH FULL OF GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. Also, Hyperbole and a Half has the most amazing image of a creature she calls the Alot. This creature helps me deal with people.

* Mme. Hag's and Mme. Crabbyapple's names have been changed because my mom said I should. Not because I wanted to. I am still giving them the evil eye in my mind.

4 comments:

Sarah P said...

Oh, dude. Me, too. And I write in real life for a living, too.

It's annoying the things your brain will do when you're writing. Sometimes, though, I find that I make those mistakes when I'm in the writing "zone."
(Sorry that sounds so douchey.)

Johnny Utah said...

It's easy to miss those things when you're out of the game for a while. I majored in English as well, and I basically started a blog to try to prevent my dumbing down. It's like I used to know calculus; now I can barely multiply. :)

lex said...

Thanks guys! It makes me feel much better to hear that. One of the reasons I started this blog was also to get back into writing!

Anonymous said...

"I tested at grade 12 spelling in grade 5..."
Are you sure it wasn't t'other way round?