You know when you see someone with their tag sticking out and it just bugs you so much and you're itching to tuck it back in? (I've gone up to the odd person to tuck it in if they seem like the type to appreciate their tag inside their shirt...) Well that is the feeling I get inside when I see the "word" "alot". I have to put word in quotations because it is not, in fact, a word. But, it's EVERYWHERE!! It's like Crocs, you would like them to go far far away and never return... but you know they won't.
And then, my fellow grammar freaks, my life was changed completely. I will never be the same person everagain. Ok so I might get over it one day. To the point - someone told me that Alot is a place. In India. In the region of Madhya Pradesh. Here is a map of it:
In my mind, this doesn't change things. So what if a non-word is a proper noun? Most names aren't actual words, that you could legally use in Scrabble anyway. Unless it's Carol. That's a word AND a name.
Where to start? Well, from the top. Last Tuesday I posted about a series of voice mails. The post is still up but the voice messages are gone. I received some hateful comments, but kept up the ones that had a valid point. After all, it probably was wrong for me to put the voice messages up in the first place. Then on Sunday night around 10pm I started getting comment after comment, the first one reading "you're a dumb c**t, fuck off and die". I'm sorry, what? They kept coming in, and some nice person told me that my blog had been forwarded to some forum, where I quickly followed to. It was eye opening, someone claiming to be the guy in the voice messages had posted about finding my blog, and then linked to it. So in less than 24 hours, thanks to this phony and the forum housing mob mentality, my blog went from having about 20 viewers to 6,635 angry trollers.
So, I'd like to address some audiences here: Awesome, the forum trollers, the poster, and any other concerned parties.
1.Awesome, if you ever do read this, and feel humiliated, I am truly sorry. When I posted this that did not cross my mind. It's a fault of mine, probably because I am self-deprecating and do not think twice about embarrassing myself. I felt that the post was anonymous enough that there would be no way for it to hurt anybody involved.
2.Forum trollers, I don't have a better name. I received 75 comments on my blog in 2 hours Sunday night before I shut down the commenting. I didn't go through them, I only deleted. Why? Because being called a c**t and getting death threats is a little unnerving, and unwarranted. "I wish I lived near you so that I could rape and murder you." So I selected them all and deleted. Unfortunately there were some very valid points - even if I didn't agree with them, I would have kept them on. But since I couldn't control the comments, I removed them. I didn't ask for any of this attention, nor do I want any of this attention. I had 20 followers before, I was not the one who published that post on the forum to get attention. Then there are the people who went way too far. I'm sorry, but finding out all of my personal information and attacking me via facebook? Seriously? One message said: "Get ready, you're so fucked. :)" Also, if you listened to the message, and read what the "AsimAwesome" wrote, you'd realized that his story is fraudulent, he's a fake. But thanks anyway for all your kind words.
3. Dear "AsimAwesome", why? I know that you're not the guy who left the phone messages, unless your story just doesn't make sense because you've forgotten some of the important details. Or all of the details? If you were personally offended, you could have asked me to take the voice messages down.
4. This turned into a racial thing, which is crazy to me. I have done some of my own research on the name Asim because I have only ever heard it pronounced "A-sim" and "A-seem". I had no idea that it could be pronounced "Awesome". I have yet to find any information or examples of when it is pronounced that way, but if anybody genuinely does pronounce their name that way, then I'd like to know. It's like the name Kailey and it's derivatives. Is it Kay-lee, or K-eye-lee? There are a million different forms of every name these days.
5. I contacted the other website that posted my personal information and encouraged threats. They took my contact information down but did not get back to me. The reason I'm not listing the forum site or the other website is because I have no desire to give them any credit or attention. Sites that encourage malicious behaviour are pointless.
6. What I learned. I can make fun of myself as much as I want, but that's it. Whether the person construes the message to be rude, humiliating or hurtful is fair enough. I also learned about mob mentality and how it's pretty unnerving to be the focus of an attack. You probably shouldn't be on any social media sites if you don't want to be found, that was a really quick lesson learned. I am now completely unlisted everywhere. I think. I'm also going to keep the comments function disabled for the time being. This isn't because I can't handle comments that are negative, but because of all those slightly less friendly ones. If ya don't like my blog, don't read it.
So it's been a month since I've first started blogging, and I thought I'd write a little about what I've learned so far. It's not much, no worry, it won't take me long.
1. The easiest part was the decision to start a blog. It's all downhill from there. And downhill as in sorting out my thoughts into words is freaking hard!
2. I originally thought I had tons of ideas, but after 2 posts I almost covered everything.
3. Trying to design the blog the way I want it to look is utterly infuriating. I have given up. Will try again next week...
4. There are many hateful people out there waiting to pounce.*
5. There are way more absolutely amazing (and awesome) people out there who want to support you.
6. Anonymity = the ability for assholes to come out from their corners.*
7. Although the blogosphere may be more massive than I can imagine, there are little communities within that scoop you right up! I like communities.
8. Writing is therapeutic in a way I couldn't have fathomed.
9. While Google Analytics is freaking cool, I would like to be able to get more detail, as in, what neighbourhood do my readers live in? :)
* - I recently posted something that I thought was funny, because I had shared it with friends and family a few years ago and they thought it was knee-slappingly funny. Turns out some people had very very strong feelings the other way. And while I completely respect an honest opinion and comment, I was flabbergasted at some of the vile comments I received. All of the horrible comments did, of course, come from anonymous people.
Why the anonymity? Because I believe that they are negative people who just want someone to shit on. I have never been able to understand why there are people who go out of their way to be hurtful. But they've been there since the beginning of time and they'll be there tomorrow. I've never been shit on anonymously (not even by a seagull**), so at first I was upset and confused and felt the need to defend myself. And I did, and then I realized that I am who I am, and these comments have nothing to do with the person that I am. I have always tried to be unfailingly me, and that's why I started the blog. And that's why I'll always write from my heart, strugglesaurus and all. (Awww)
** - I believe that the whole "it's good luck if a seagull shits on you" shtick was invented to make people feel better when they get shit on. There's nothing worse than being shit on, so I hear.
Random question: Anyone know where I can get me a capybara? I hear they make good pets. See below.
Yes, they do exist. I found this sweet pic from zazzle.ca.
Since I moved a little over 2 years ago, I have to admit that I haven't really dated. I dipped my toe in the water only to find the water was freezing and full of weeds. I hate weeds. I got caught in them when I was swimming across a lake when I was a kid and even though I had a tube or some other flotation device, having your leg caught by a gross weed is fucking terrifying.
Where was I? Oh yes, dating. Some of my friends love dating, even if they have horrible dates, they still go out, time and again. Me, I'm not so keen on a bad date, I'd rather just skip it. That and living in a big pond has made it harder to meet cool people. I might get ronery every once in awhile, and I know that I should be thinking about finding a mate (says my mom), but I'm cool with being single. As the CREEEEPY Rogers guy who fixed my cable yesterday said as he sat beside me on my couch and looked around my apartment "it must be nice living alone, you can do whatever you want and nobody will bug you". Yes creepy Rogers man, it is nice. I might get a dog or cat to cuddle with at night though.
Anyway, I really got sidetracked there. What I wanted to tell you about was this guy, his name is Awesome. Really. He is another reason why I hide in my basement apartment. The ONE AND ONLY time I drunkenly gave a guy my number, this is what happened. 3 voice mails later. Before I got the chance to give him a call back I had 3 voice messages from him. For other women out there who've felt nervous about a random guy, I'm sure you'll see how his extreme enthusiasm was a little unsettling. Although he did seem like a nice bloke, it was unnerving to see this behaviour escalate to the level of stalker mentality - it's scary out there, especially since I was only 22 at the time! Enjoy my friends, hopefully you'll like it as much as my dad did. He is Awesome's biggest fan. Fact.
UPDATE: I've actually decided to take the voicemail down because someone via reddit is pretending to be AWESOME (not Asim, trust me people, that's how he spelled it) and create a sob story. Unfortunately (and fortunately for me) he got some important details wrong and I was able to pretty quickly assess that it was some asshole trying to get attention by making up a story.
This is going to be an ongoing list. Late at night when I'm in bed I get out my and start typing away more qualities that a strugglesaurus possesses. Or I'll slip while walking and almost bail and then open up my list and add to it. I almost bailed about 6 or 7 times on last week, wearing 2 different types of boots. The only thing I can blame was a leaf, and that was once.
So anyway, here's some more qualities that you may see in yourself, and as Bill Engvall would say "Here's your sign".
You either snort/choke/spew while laughing, more often than not. Snorting is my favourite.
Technology hates you. Probably because of how many times you've lost/broken your cell phone/camera/laptop. I've had at least 9 phones and 4-5 cameras. Damn you Red bull!!
You've woken up with gum in your hair. And spent over an hour using cooking oil to get it out.
You've mooned a room or 2 or 3 full of people because your dress is tucked in your underoos.
You've mooned and/or flashed the world because the wind caught your dress and your hands were full.
You've choked on your saliva. It's embarrassing when someone asks if you're ok because it's been 5 minutes since your last breath and you have to tell them yes, you're just choking on your saliva.
You have a drinking problem. A sober drinking problem. Turns out the whole cup-to-mouth movement is harder than it looks. A day without spilling on your shirt is considered a victory.
You have your own dictionary of words you've created, which is cool. Until you forget what the real word is when talking to someone. Lucky me, my fave non-word is penii and doesn't come up in conversation too often.
That's all I have for now friends. But don't worry, the weekend is coming up and I'm pretty positive I'll be able to come up with more.
I registered a domain name, what what! So now instead of www.strugglesaurus.blogspot.com (which you can still, of course, use because it's still awesome) you can go to www.lexinthecityblog.com! Woo! Just a little warning, if you forget the word "blog" in the address you'll be taken to a playboy website. And not mine. Damn you playboy!!! Damn you!! Oh well, it'll be a pleasant detour for some people if they accidentally type in the wrong address.
Wow, how did this announcement turn into me vomiting out my thoughts?
So, the awesomeness that is lexinthecity, there's a little strugglesaurus in all of us, now has its own website. Tres exciting!
PS - Awesome. (Because using the word 3 times in one post seemed like the thing to do.)
This past weekend I went home to visit my family and some friends, and there was a moment on Sunday night where I thought "this is my family in a nutshell". My brother once said "our family puts the dis in dysfunctional", and do we ever! We're all fairly sarcastic and normally choose one person to pick on, most of the time it's my mom. We're like vultures, circling and choosing the one who says the wrong thing.
So Sunday evening we sit down in the living room after dinner and the last few minutes of "The Amazing Race" are on. It's not my type of show, but I can see how people like it. My mom says that my brother and I should go on the show(!!). My brother, not skipping a beat, says in reply, "Yeah, she'd end up with her head on a pike and a trench coat around it. They'd ask "Are you sure that's your sister?" and I'd shake her head yes, I'm sure." Morbid, right? It was pretty funny, but then my mom starts howling (or cackling) and says that she can just see my brother trying to maneouver my mouth to make me talk and starts getting into detail about my body-less head. Seriously, it was disturbing. These visions of my bloody head on a pike with a trench coat and my brother trying to convince people it really was me were running through my MOTHER'S head and she found it absolutely hilarious. She's sick and twisted, and that's where my sense of humour comes from. Personally I thought that my brother and I would make a great team, even if I didn't make it out alive. And that's my fam in a nutshell.
Ok, so I'm no English major and I've never written a book, but I do happen to love the English language (read: nerd) and learned to obsess over spelling and grammar at the age of 10. I was in french immersion and so our school had a pretty intensive English class to make sure we didn't fall behind. It was one of the only classes I liked, as from grade 2 I had a WITCH for a teacher, Mme. Hag* and in grade 5 Mme. Crabbyapple* wasn't much nicer. Mme. Hag had flaming red hair and I'm pretty sure she was an alien, like Will Smith's teacher on Men in Black. She was certifiably nuts. I was scared shitless. She flew off on her broom halfway through the semester, no joke, so the wee children were safe from her gingerbread house. Mme. Crabbyapple, she was just mean. She thought I was dumb, and possibly being abused at home or something (I found this out later). Needless to say my parents didn't like her. I just shook every time she looked at me with those mean eyes, I couldn't help but stutter and clam up. So when English class came around I dove into it with fervor. Here's where my story actually starts to come back around - when I tested at grade 12 spelling in grade 5, I told EVERYBODY. Not just that day, that week, that year, but I'm pretty sure I told someone last week. One of my best friends used me as her dictionary. I loved it. I embrace the nerd in me. Now, I would never enter a spelling bee or anything because that shit is just crazy.
So, why complain? Because the other day I spelled "flies" in a bbm message "flys". FLYS PEOPLE, FLYS. WTF?!? Who am I? What have I become? I cringe. I also have spelled "you're" instead of "your", not the other way around. Most people wouldn't care, but I do. A lot. Side note: thank god I can still spell "a lot" correctly. Kill me if I ever spell it as one word. And not some quick death, a slow and painful death filled with horrible grammar. And the word flys. What is happening to my brain? I've accepted the brain farts and always losing my train of thought, but now this? I'm regressing. Oy vey.
How do I prevent this embarrassing regression from furthering damage on my brain/dignity? Sad face. Any advice would be appreciated. I do the crossword (it's no New York Times, but it'll do) and it's clearly not helping. And if it is helping, then oh god, I'm only 25 and it's all downhill from here. First.. little meaningless spelling mistakes, then I start having trouble stringing sentences together, and then I can only communicate via chest pounding and "Me Tarzan, You Jane". I won't make it in the jungle!!! I won't survive!
So remember: if I ever spell "a lot" the other way - I can't even purposely spell it the wrong way for fear of using it in the future - SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH FULL OF GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. Also, Hyperbole and a Half has the most amazing image of a creature she calls the Alot. This creature helps me deal with people.
* Mme. Hag's and Mme. Crabbyapple's names have been changed because my mom said I should. Not because I wanted to. I am still giving them the evil eye in my mind.