Tuesday, March 29, 2011

It'd be weird if it wasn't me

Warning: The following post is not recommended for pansies with weak stomachs. 

Friends and family and blog followers are by now, never shocked with any of my body misfires. It's most often TMI, but I really do enjoy sharing these little tidbits with people. I should feel sorry for the recipients of my pictures and details, but I don't. I relish their reaction. Yes, I document everything with pictures. It often takes a few pictures if it's at an awkward angle, so sometimes people get more than one. LUCKY!

One recipient described a picture as looking like an "alien fetus". We'll not get into what that image was.

Another, more recent picture was described as "AMAZING!!!". (Is this starting to feel like a movie review to you? It should.) Do you want to know what picture was described as amazing? A green pimple. Yes, friends, a green one. You can try googling it, I did. And find no information. Maybe I should be worried. But it's too late for that because I popped it. I had to clean up the blood spatter from the wall with wet paper towel. Are you grossed out yet? I hope so. I'm so lucky to have such supportive friends who enjoy receiving pictures of these anomalies.

I told my dad the other day that he's really lucky that my mom lets me send her pictures and tell her stories about my body misfires, because otherwise he'd be scarred. There's no such thing as "TMI" for my family. They get to hear all my gory details. Hmm.. maybe that's why nobody skypes with me anymore...

From swollen masses of bone, to penis shaped bruises, to alien fetuses, to green pimples, my body is not a wonderland, but an enigma. I'm ok with that, because it's not like John Mayer's ever going to tell ME that it's a wonderland, and enigmas are much more interesting.

I feel the need to add that I was going to add a picture to this post, but couldn't. First I googled "body misfire", then "body enigma" and nothing interesting came up. Then I googled weird body. DO NOT EVER DO THAT. Unless you want to be scarred. It got worst as I scrolled down. So now I can't add a picture. I just can't.

9 comments:

PorkStar said...

LMFAO oh man this is a hilarious post. I don't think I'm grossed out, more like intrigued. I've read and seen very gross stories already. The popping of the pimple is so much fun especially when you actually hear it POP. The worst is when it starts to hurt and blood won't stop flowing. That and sometimes some fleshy stuff that won't come out of the perforation.

I'm sure i'll totally enjoy your TMIs.

Katsidhe said...

Don't worry, darlin', I'm in medicine and you can't imagine the shit I've seen. TMI away, girlfriend. ;-)

Rianne said...

I still have fond memories of your belly button ring infection in the shape of a diamond :D

lex [lexinthecity] said...

@ Porkstar - Touche. I think you might have grossed me out. Look forward to more TMIs

@ Kat - Yes, you medicine people are impossible to freak out! I love it. :)

@ Rianne - Oh my god I had completely forgotten! I wish I had a picture of it.. The diamond staph infection..

PorkStar said...

LMAO OMG @ your response... really, I need to read your entire blog and look for all this nastiness lol

Girl At Rock Show said...

You are such a wonderfully weird lady!

Jewels said...

Cracked me up. Nothing is TMI for me but I do feel sorry for your friends innocently opening a picture text and seeing something unexpected. haha.

lex [lexinthecity] said...

@ Porkstar - It's mostly just shenanigans. The TMIs have just begun.
@ Girl at Rock Show - Why thank you! Best compliment ever!
@ Jewels - I do wait while drumming my fingers together with an evil grin after sending these pictures.

PencilGirl said...

I just had to google weird body after that... And I see what you mean.. :| :\ ;D